Updated: Oct 26, 2018
That Time When I was 32 And My Life Was About To Completely Change.
“You have fibromyalgia, there’s no real cure for it….” Womp womp womp womp is all I saw and heard coming out of her mouth after that. I was flooded with thoughts of; I’m 32 years old and my life is about to completely change. I knew I had been feeling pain for a long time but I thought it was an injury. I thought it was something that could be avoided, cured, corrected… as hard as I tried to slow my mind down in that moment, it just wouldn’t let up. Thoughts of, I could no longer have an active lifestyle. I had to change my eating habits. I could no longer work a full-time job and most of all I couldn’t play with my 2 year old baby girl the way I’d always hoped I could.
However on the other hand I was thinking; so this was the cause of all of my sleepless nights. That’s why I couldn’t play with the water guns outside with my husband and kids that day, this is the reason I have put a chair in my kitchen so I can sit down because my body couldn’t handle standing for long periods of time, Ah! Yes finally I see why doing my own hair has become so difficult for me. So happy to finally have an answer.
“Any questions?” my doctor asked… “Ummmm no.” “Great, so 8-10 weeks of physical therapy, I’m sending you for x-rays, here are the new meds you need to take and I’ll see you next month to see how you are doing. Sounds good?” (I felt like saying) Yes, you have ripped my “normal” from up under me and told me I have no choice but to find a new way of life… BUT YES! IT SOUNDS PERFECT! But instead, I chose to give her a smile and say, “Thanks doc, I’ll see you in 4 weeks.”
As I left the doctor’s office my body was literally trembling from how bad I needed to scream. So many emotions were surging through my body. I had an answer for my pain so why am I so sad? Am I exaggerating? Can this “fibromyalgia” really change the course of my life? Only if I let it (I thought). Gather yourself Maggie, God is faithful and He’s good. He has never let you down before, what makes you think He’ll start now. God CANNOT LIE, There is no evil in Him. His Grace is all sufficient and will cause you to suffer well. There is nothing too big for your God… I step off the elevator, thinking YES I’m almost out of sight, just get passed the building receptionist.
As I was trying to encourage myself and tell the Lord, He is good no matter what! A FLOOD of thoughts infiltrated my mind. It was as if I felt every single fiery dart the enemy had at the moment. (If you imagine a war scene where the soldiers launch hundreds of fiery arrows across a field, that’s exactly what it felt like) I said out loud “God I can’t take it, I just can’t take it, what I do Abba?” He said, WORSHIP!!!!! Without question, I run to my car to throw on the first worship song I could find. When I got to my car there was a plastic bag hanging off of my car door with something in it. I looked around to see if anyone had left it there on purpose, thinking what the what is going on here lol.
I open the bag and to my surprise IT WAS A TAMBOURINE with Ex. 15:20 written on it…. I jumped in my car and began to weep and weep and weep. I had just read Exodus 15 the night before my doctor’s appointment and said “no matter the news Lord, I will worship You. You are the God who split the Red Sea, my pain is not too much for You.” I will WORSHIP YOU!!! I had no idea where this tambourine came from. I had NO IDEA who wrote Exodus 15:20 on it - “Then, Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women went out after her with tambourines and dancing, and Miriam sang to them.” So you can only imagine my shock when I saw a TAMBOURINE hanging from my door. What am I trying to say through this story?
There are seasons in our lives when our worlds get unexpectedly get flipped upside down. In those moments we have a choice. A choice to give in to the moment and be consumed by it. A choice to perseverate and take out our very own “line of credit” of anxiety. The choice to complain about it, which only means that we’ve already made the decision to accept what has happened and we’ve allowed it to be our “issue of life” in a moments time Proverbs 4:23.Or we can WORSHIP! Why do I say worship? I know it may not seem to make much sense to worship in a time of turmoil or receiving “bad news” or getting caught off guard. But when worship, GENUINE WORSHIP is your response to life’s punches. We invite heaven to make earthly intervention on our behalf. We lift our hands and voices in response to The Cross and Resurrection understanding that Jesus GAVE IT ALL for us and said “It is finished” so we can be confident that He will do the same for us. Worshipping through the bad times does not mean that everything will be better. I’m entering my third round of my doctors 8-10 week recommendation (yes ladies you read that right 30 WEEKS IN NOW)
But guess what… I have never been more committed, more encouraged, more able and more satisfied in God. See when I got the diagnoses that day, boy have I prayed for a healing. And guess what I’ve had some pretty awesome pain-free days through it all. (Glory to God) I told the Lord in prayer after dealing with this for years now. I said “Lord, if me having this disease brings you more glory and furthers your kingdom in a way a fully healed Maggie never could, then I take a hold of the Grace that is sufficient for me, thank you for trusting me with this. May I glorify you always.” I heard Pastor Teresa Verdecchio say something to one of my spiritual daughters and that phrase changed my entire life. She said “Pray from the place of done.” (Selah) So in closing, (I know this was a long one lol)
Ladies, sometimes God gives you a healing… But sometimes… He gives you a song!!! Fibromyalgia just so happened to be mine. Now go grab YOUR Tambourine and WORSHIP!