This just might be the most honest I've ever been when it comes to my mind and what I feel God has called me to. Even if you don't read it, someone needs this right here.
For many years I struggled bad in my mind. I was saved, sanctified and walking with the Lord for over 11 years. However I felt that God had called me to pour into the lives of women (in particular in the areas of their thinking as well as their worth) I have always had a desire to be in the beauty field in some capacity but felt that pursuing my career in beauty meant putting my "calling" to rest.
I struggled for so many years because during this time was when the doctor said I had fibromyalgia (and other chronic pain diseases) I thought God was punishing me for pursuing something that was outside of His will and I laid it to rest. I left Beauty School and never wanted to look at another woman again (pertaining to beauty)
I was done encouraging people. I was done telling women about their worth. I was done touching anyone's hair or doing makeup.... I was DONE! I was mad. Mad at myself and God; not so much because I felt I couldn't influence the beauty field for the kingdom but because I wasted so much time doing something that I felt God had called all stops. So much time was wasted; time I would NEVER get back.
But something happened 4 years ago. As I was laying in bed one day reading. I felt the Spirit say "What are you mad?" I began to cry and finally reveal my frustrations to the Lord when He said " And why does it have to be either or"... I was stumped! I didn't have an answer. I just felt this was what He wanted because it had become physically impossible to get my beauty license because of my physical condition.
And I saw it, (I don't care if this sounds cliche) WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Mat. 19:26. This was when Jesus was having a conversation with the rich man and the rich man walked away sad because Jesus had asked Him to give up His wealth.... did you hear me. JESUS was standing IN FRONT OF HIM and he walked away sad because he PREFERRED WEALTH!
As I engaged with this text I felt the Spirit ask me, "do you prefer wealth?, are you willing to drop it all, leave it all for My sake?" Of course I said YES! And I felt something break in me that day.... what broke in me? THE PRIDE AND FEAR THAT COME WITH DOUBLEMINDEDNESS. I was so afraid of what people might think/say if I pursued my makeup business because everyone else felt I was called to preach/teach. I was ashamed because I felt makeup meant I was giving up on what God called me to. I thought God rather have me broke and preaching rather than having fun meeting new people and pouring into them through makeup and making money from home (like I desired) It was one of the worst feelings in the world. And I went through it for years. BUT GOD... The Lord made it VERY CLEAR to me. THIS IS HOW I MADE YOU MAGGIE! AM I NOT YOUR GOD?! I was His CHILD! Not some rich man who preferred wealth over God NEVER!
The moment that became my reality, the moment I knew I could FULLy be Maggie EXACTLY how He created me to pour into women, preach the gospel and do what I love (in beauty) was the moment that I fully RECEIVED what I was called to do.
What have you found yourself running from? What has been tormenting your mind? What have you not fully accepted about yourself because of fear, pride or doublemindedness? What is it that you find yourself continually saying "what will people think?" or I can't do this, this is too big of a dream for little 'ol me? or saying to yourself this is not what "church people" do.
Honey, I say to that... WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. RUN AFTER YOUR GOD GIVEN CALLING AND MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR IT. I love you all so dearly and pray that FEAR break in Jesus name and you stir up the good gift that God put in you...